The Problem With Trying to Make People Stay

The Problem With Trying to Make People Stay

Trying to make people stay is never a good idea – whether in personal relationships or in business. It’s not a good idea, because if people don’t know the value of who you are to them in their lives, you couldn’t possibly receive the best of what they can give you. I know this can be very difficult, particularly in personal matters, but you must know that who and what is for you is for you, and allowing someone to stay who can’t honor your highest self only does a disservice to you.

If someone is inclined to be without you, allow them. I don’t want anyone down for me when they no longer want to be and are just faking as if they are.
 

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Obviously, there are situations where someone may just temporarily feel a certain way and want or need to go temporarily. That is not what I am talking about. I am referring to people who no longer desire to be with you as an employee, friend, loved one, family member or romantic partner.

Humans are often fickle. They will switch up on you very quickly, but when they have already made a decision to leave you, just let them go.

When you hold on to the waste of someone that does not want to be present, what you will get from them is nothing you’d want to possess. They will be disloyal, negative, problematic and frankly no longer of service to the wholeness of your well-being.

When this occurs, let them go! Don’t try to force them into something they no longer choose to be in. Send them off with love and peace. Wish them the best and prepare yourself for the arrival of something far greater that the universe will send your way.
 

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Don’t allow fear to make you hold on, beg and plead for another day. Send them off now! Call forth the next being that is yet to instill blessings onto you. You cannot receive it when you are holding on to others for the reduced versions of what they’re choosing to offer you.

Be good to yourself, set them and yourself free. I promise you, there is far greater for you on the other side.

If you need some ideas on ways to be good to yourself, download my ebook, 10 Steps to Being Good to Yourself HERE.


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The Secret Power of Forgiveness

The Secret Power of Forgiveness

Forgiveness is good for the soul. There are a lot of things that can happen during our time here. Sometimes things can be done unintentionally to harm us.

There are times when things are done intentionally to us because of one’s pain, unconscious living or fear. But whatever the cause, it is important to forgive not only for others, but because there is a healing in the forgiveness for ourselves as well.

Many times when we are hurt we don’t want to forgive someone, because we feel as if the act of forgiving is the act of approval on some level for what has occurred. This is not the case at all, as the act of forgiveness can simply be the release of the negative power and energy regarding what has been done to us.
 

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You do not have to even communicate the forgiveness to the individual. Acknowledging it to yourself can suffice.

When I refer to harmful acts, I am not referring to some of the most heinous acts done to others. That requires a different healing process if forgiveness is found at all.

When you forgive someone, you don’t have to continue to have them as part of your life. To the contrary, you can choose to never speak or interact with them again. It simply means that you release any power or control their action had over you.

When people are unwilling to offer forgiveness to others, often times they do more harm to themselves than to anyone else. The negativity that they’ve acquired goes deep into their being. Negativity cannot exist without causing some effect, pain or trauma to those who are holding on to it.
 

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Dr. Maya Angelou said, “When you know better, you do better.” I have struggled with this quote over the years as Dr. Angelou is one of two people outside of my parents who have been the most influential people in my life. But I do believe there are times when people know better, but still do not do better.

Regardless of whether they know better or not, that is not my business. It is to do what is required to clear the path for myself and my destiny. And the path cannot be cleared if I can’t release forgiveness to people along the way.

It is essential to forgive others as there will come a time when we will have to be forgiven for our own actions. We will also have to offer forgiveness to ourselves.

Forgiveness for ourselves is crucial, because none of us are expected to live this life without making mistakes. We will all make many errors along the way. It is to be expected. And if you are not giving yourself the grace of forgiveness, you will undoubtedly stall your own growth on this journey called life.


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My Unexpected Lesson From Watching Marriage Boot Camp: Reality Stars – Part 2

My Unexpected Lesson From Watching Marriage Boot Camp: Reality Stars – Part 2

This is a continuation of Part 1.

In a recent episode of “Marriage Bootcamp: Reality Stars,” the participants focused on unpacking some of the issues they brought into their relationships. While unpacking their issues, they learned the necessary changes that were mandatory to move their relationships forward in a healthier, more fulfilling way.

Once the issues were identified, they had to put a shovel full of horse manure into a suitcase and have it chained to their wrists for the remainder of the day. The purpose of this exercise was to have them feel a physical impact and burden for carrying around their baggage.
 

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After the exercise, the couples discussed why certain behaviors triggered certain responses. And of course, it was always connected to something from their past.

One of the participants told his spouse that she brought too much independence into their relationship. The husband shared with his wife that she should be using him to help her make decisions about certain things instead of her doing it all by herself.
 

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That was really interesting for me to hear, because someone told me I was “too independent” in a previous relationship.

I realized from that exercise the potential impact of someone being “too independent” in a relationship and not allowing their partner to support them in certain decision making. I am accustomed to handling and making decisions with nearly all of the matters I deal with on my own. But when you’re in a significant, committed relationship, it is important to share some of those matters with your partner so they can feel as if they are contributing to support you and the issues you have to deal with in your life.

I thought it was a really interesting lesson coming from an unexpected place. Just another example that you can learn anything from anywhere.

So, the next time I get the opportunity to put this new lesson into practice, I will do so with the expectation of getting an amazingly different (or new?) result.

“Marriage Boot Camp: Reality Stars” airs on Fridays 9/8 Central on WeTV.


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My Unexpected Lesson From Watching Marriage Boot Camp: Reality Stars – Part 1

My Unexpected Lesson From Watching Marriage Boot Camp: Reality Stars – Part 1

“Marriage Boot Camp: Reality Stars” is a television show I enjoy watching from time to time. The premise of the show is to support couples in being more conscious of the issues in their relationships and to help them do the necessary work around it for their relationships to improve.

It is really interesting to see the different exercises that are given to the couples for them to be able to overcome challenges in their relationships and to expose different aspects that they aren’t necessarily able to see on their own.

I normally only watch the show when there are people on it that I like. For this season, that compelling person for me was Pauly from the MTV mega hit “Jersey Shore.”
 

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I never watched “Jersey Shore” when it first came on years ago, but since its record-breaking splash back on television, I have been somewhat consumed with it.

Because I can’t watch a show that has previous episodes I haven’t seen, I binge watched all of the previous episodes of the original show from the beginning so I could learn all the dynamics and previous relations with the cast mates.

It is so interesting to see the cast members’ evolution from who they were 10 years ago to who they are today. I happen to really like Pauly. So, when I saw he was appearing on this season of Marriage Bootcamp I thought I would watch it.
 

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One of my friends, Rachel who happens to be a couples therapist, and I usually do a recap of the show when we are both watching the same season. So, I get to enjoy it first by watching the airing of the show and then by discussing the relationship issues and the impact of them with Rachel. Our relationship conversations can last for hours. I think to date our record is over 6 hours!

I am always intrigued to discover new ways of evolving and growing individually and in a relationship. Although I am not married at this time, I believe there are lessons and takeaways that can be used currently in my life and moving forward.

“Marriage Boot Camp: Reality Stars” airs on Fridays 9/8 Central on WeTV.

Check out Part 2 of this article on Monday.


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