What Does It All Really Mean?

What Does It All Really Mean?

People will do almost anything for money. That refers to monumental things as well as minute things. The question for today is what do you value and what exactly are you willing to sacrifice for it?

I was recently talking to a friend who is an executive at a startup. She shared with me how overwhelmed she’s been and her inability to balance being the mother she wants to be with being the executive she’s forced to be.

She talked about not having enough time with her children and the 24/7 requirements of her position. She said her toddler recently said to her, “Mom, I love when we go on vacation, because you actually talk to me.”
 

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I asked her what that meant to her and what she was going to do about it. She said that her children don’t care about having a nanny. They want the time from her and her husband. I said that children don’t care about all the stuff that we have. They’d rather have less stuff and more time with her. She said although they don’t care about the stuff, she really wanted to be an executive in her career.

What did it really mean when she started the conversation with all that really matters are the people in our lives? Because now when the opportunity is revealed, making the “people’s” decision appears difficult.

If your children feel you can’t even talk to them regularly, perhaps it’s time for the million dollar house to go and a more affordable house is purchased for the sanctity of your children’s rearing, your own peace of mind and your life.

We often are the creators of the overwhelming burdens we face in our lives.
 

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Imagine if we did something different. Imagine if we just focused on what truly mattered and nothing else, instead of focusing on what we thought mattered. What an amazing, rewarding life we could all create for ourselves.

My dress is by Byron Lars Beauty Mark.


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The Problem With Trying to Make People Stay

The Problem With Trying to Make People Stay

Trying to make people stay is never a good idea – whether in personal relationships or in business. It’s not a good idea, because if people don’t know the value of who you are to them in their lives, you couldn’t possibly receive the best of what they can give you. I know this can be very difficult, particularly in personal matters, but you must know that who and what is for you is for you, and allowing someone to stay who can’t honor your highest self only does a disservice to you.

If someone is inclined to be without you, allow them. I don’t want anyone down for me when they no longer want to be and are just faking as if they are.
 

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Obviously, there are situations where someone may just temporarily feel a certain way and want or need to go temporarily. That is not what I am talking about. I am referring to people who no longer desire to be with you as an employee, friend, loved one, family member or romantic partner.

Humans are often fickle. They will switch up on you very quickly, but when they have already made a decision to leave you, just let them go.

When you hold on to the waste of someone that does not want to be present, what you will get from them is nothing you’d want to possess. They will be disloyal, negative, problematic and frankly no longer of service to the wholeness of your well-being.

When this occurs, let them go! Don’t try to force them into something they no longer choose to be in. Send them off with love and peace. Wish them the best and prepare yourself for the arrival of something far greater that the universe will send your way.
 

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Don’t allow fear to make you hold on, beg and plead for another day. Send them off now! Call forth the next being that is yet to instill blessings onto you. You cannot receive it when you are holding on to others for the reduced versions of what they’re choosing to offer you.

Be good to yourself, set them and yourself free. I promise you, there is far greater for you on the other side.

If you need some ideas on ways to be good to yourself, download my ebook, 10 Steps to Being Good to Yourself HERE.


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What If They Were Our Last Words to Someone?

What If They Were Our Last Words to Someone?

Communicating with those we love and care about can be both quite interesting and challenging at times. Using our words, we can choose to use the ones that help to inspire or we can choose the ones that cause discomfort and pain. We can use them to uplift others or we can use them to bring them down. But when we love and care about people, we want to make sure that we are very conscious about the words we use with them and how they will affect them emotionally.

I was recently in a meeting with a married couple I work with. The wife was annoyed with the husband regarding a particular matter and her communication with him during the meeting was reflective of it. After the meeting, I told her how harsh she was speaking to him. She told me it wasn’t her intention, but clearly she was feeling some negative emotions related to him that made her words with him quite harsh.
 

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I shared with her the importance of being very clear in her words and allowing them to reflect her heart and not her pain. It is important to be able to relay your negative feelings as well, but not repeatedly once they have already been expressed.

We all do this at times. As I was talking to her, I was also talking to myself. Sometimes we are consumed with the moments of our lives and the situations in our lives when we are not the most loving and kind with our words. But what if they were our last words to someone?

We never know the day or time when our current words will actually be our final words to someone – our last days or the last days of those to whom we are speaking to.
 

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So, let’s all be very mindful of the words we use to reflect the feelings we share and the memories we are creating for ourselves, for our loved ones and for those we come across along the way.

There is healing and power in our words. Let’s allow them to uplift and support others rather than use them to bring others and their spirits down.


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The Real Spirit of the Season

The Real Spirit of the Season

As many of us are preparing to travel to family and friends for the holiday, hopefully we are all able to take a little bit of time to slow down our very busy lives to spend some time with those who are most important to us.

Whether you are traveling near, far, or remaining at home, it is a blessing to be able to share such a special time with those who mean the most to us. The holidays offer a wonderful opportunity to slow down, reflect on our lives, the year, our current time and what’s most important.
 

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Your family may consist of those who are your biological relatives or it can be made up of those who are not biologically related, but are emotionally connected to you as family. Whichever it is doesn’t matter, what’s most crucial is that we have those special people in our lives to share life with.

Traveling for the holidays can be quite consuming and often times overwhelming for many. Remember to stay focused on what’s important so that the hectic moments of traveling and the season doesn’t overcome you with unnecessary stress and burdens.

Although many get caught up in the retail therapy and materialism of this soon to be time of the year, it is most important to stay focused on the true purpose and reason for the season.
 

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I always try to spend some extra time during this season with those who are less fortunate to spread some joy and happiness to many who are in need. Although I do it throughout the year, I try to make an extra effort to bring joy to someone who may not otherwise be able to experience it during this time of the year.

Wherever it is you are going or whatever it is you are doing, be sure to take with you the spirit of the season – kindness, compassion, love and joy – to not only spread to those you consider your family and friends, but also remembering to spread a little to those who you don’t know at all.


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The Secret Power of Forgiveness

The Secret Power of Forgiveness

Forgiveness is good for the soul. There are a lot of things that can happen during our time here. Sometimes things can be done unintentionally to harm us.

There are times when things are done intentionally to us because of one’s pain, unconscious living or fear. But whatever the cause, it is important to forgive not only for others, but because there is a healing in the forgiveness for ourselves as well.

Many times when we are hurt we don’t want to forgive someone, because we feel as if the act of forgiving is the act of approval on some level for what has occurred. This is not the case at all, as the act of forgiveness can simply be the release of the negative power and energy regarding what has been done to us.
 

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You do not have to even communicate the forgiveness to the individual. Acknowledging it to yourself can suffice.

When I refer to harmful acts, I am not referring to some of the most heinous acts done to others. That requires a different healing process if forgiveness is found at all.

When you forgive someone, you don’t have to continue to have them as part of your life. To the contrary, you can choose to never speak or interact with them again. It simply means that you release any power or control their action had over you.

When people are unwilling to offer forgiveness to others, often times they do more harm to themselves than to anyone else. The negativity that they’ve acquired goes deep into their being. Negativity cannot exist without causing some effect, pain or trauma to those who are holding on to it.
 

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Dr. Maya Angelou said, “When you know better, you do better.” I have struggled with this quote over the years as Dr. Angelou is one of two people outside of my parents who have been the most influential people in my life. But I do believe there are times when people know better, but still do not do better.

Regardless of whether they know better or not, that is not my business. It is to do what is required to clear the path for myself and my destiny. And the path cannot be cleared if I can’t release forgiveness to people along the way.

It is essential to forgive others as there will come a time when we will have to be forgiven for our own actions. We will also have to offer forgiveness to ourselves.

Forgiveness for ourselves is crucial, because none of us are expected to live this life without making mistakes. We will all make many errors along the way. It is to be expected. And if you are not giving yourself the grace of forgiveness, you will undoubtedly stall your own growth on this journey called life.


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My Unexpected Lesson From Watching Marriage Boot Camp: Reality Stars – Part 2

My Unexpected Lesson From Watching Marriage Boot Camp: Reality Stars – Part 2

This is a continuation of Part 1.

In a recent episode of “Marriage Bootcamp: Reality Stars,” the participants focused on unpacking some of the issues they brought into their relationships. While unpacking their issues, they learned the necessary changes that were mandatory to move their relationships forward in a healthier, more fulfilling way.

Once the issues were identified, they had to put a shovel full of horse manure into a suitcase and have it chained to their wrists for the remainder of the day. The purpose of this exercise was to have them feel a physical impact and burden for carrying around their baggage.
 

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After the exercise, the couples discussed why certain behaviors triggered certain responses. And of course, it was always connected to something from their past.

One of the participants told his spouse that she brought too much independence into their relationship. The husband shared with his wife that she should be using him to help her make decisions about certain things instead of her doing it all by herself.
 

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That was really interesting for me to hear, because someone told me I was “too independent” in a previous relationship.

I realized from that exercise the potential impact of someone being “too independent” in a relationship and not allowing their partner to support them in certain decision making. I am accustomed to handling and making decisions with nearly all of the matters I deal with on my own. But when you’re in a significant, committed relationship, it is important to share some of those matters with your partner so they can feel as if they are contributing to support you and the issues you have to deal with in your life.

I thought it was a really interesting lesson coming from an unexpected place. Just another example that you can learn anything from anywhere.

So, the next time I get the opportunity to put this new lesson into practice, I will do so with the expectation of getting an amazingly different (or new?) result.

“Marriage Boot Camp: Reality Stars” airs on Fridays 9/8 Central on WeTV.


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